THIS POST ABOUT OUR KID WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE/CANTO #52

THIS POST ABOUT OUR KID WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE/CANTO #52

Not really, but I wanted to try my hand at clickbait. Gotcha bitches! It’s true, our son (who this post is about) IS oppressively adorable and he’s my buuuuuubby, but your life is unlikely to be seismically changed by anything you read here. Maybe though, unless our current world situation has completely killed your soul, you’ll laugh for a second and forget about all this shit which we can all agree doesn’t happen nearly enough.

Not a lot of “warm & fuzzy” going around at the moment.

We all know that life is a fucking circus right now, but instead of a grand, escapist production with lights and acrobats, it’s that shitty circus on the edge of town at the fairgrounds where you’re more likely to leave with a meth habit than a decent funnel cake. I hate the circus no matter WHAT the quality level is, cause FUCK clowns and any enterprise that allows them a platform upon which to psychologically scar us forever.

I’m losing track, sorry- my attention span, along with my patience, is totally fucked from everything going on so please excuse my complete lack of anything resembling focus. This isn’t gonna be a long one- GASPS! SHOCK! DISMAY!- cause I have approximately two things on my mind: I want to dig into Cross Code which I’ve been waiting for on Switch for like 3 years, and I want to go run til it hurts to silence the apocalypse in my head for a little while.

If I possess any skills at all, one of them is definitely communicating the darkness inside my brain with laser precision.

Couldn’t have been “playing the stock market like a fiddle” or “a god-like ability to build and retain muscle tone”? Whatever, at least I can fucking laugh at myself, right?!

Anywho, this isn’t gonna be a long one and the other parents in the room will probably get the most out of this- but either way, I just wanted to share a teeny bit of light and happiness that went down this morning since that’s increasingly rare currency these days. All the doom and gloom going around is TOTALLY justified, but FUCK I’m sick of all the darkness. So, let’s laugh at someone who’s too small to beat us up for it instead!

Our son doesn’t have the greatest track record for mornings lately. He’s almost three and fully leaning in to the whole “asserting himself” thing, which means mornings are….

A real god-damned MOTHERFUCKER.

He’s lucky he’s cute.

Tantrums, dominance-assertion plays, the whole fucking nine yards. It’s been going for a few weeks now, and while a NOT terrible morning will sneak into the rotation once in a while, the majority make me want to slowly scoop out my eyeballs with a melon baller dipped in hot sauce. Another skill I possess is making terrifying analogies. You’re welcome.

This morning was, thankfully, one of the good ones. Great, even. he was happy, cute, and playing the “Where’s Oli?!?!” game with me when I came into his room to wake him up. He hides under the covers, obviously laughing hysterically, and then I “find” him and we repeat until it’s time to get dressed.

I don’t know what the hell got into him this morning but as soon as he hopped out of bed this morning he stood up, looked at me, and said assuredly “I’m gonna kiss your belly!”. He then proceeded to kiss me square in the middle of the chest, but I didn’t correct him cause I’m no anatomy expert and I hadn’t had coffee yet. He laughed and then said “I’m gonna kiss your BUTT!”, to which I replied “that’s weird, buddy- maybe don’t do that!” but before I could finish the sentence he walked around me and kissed the top of my butt while I sat there in some bastard state of laughter and horror.

Then, with a huge pride-induced smile on his face, he exclaimed “I’M GONNA KISS MY UNDIES!” and he grabbed his clean pair of undies for the day and did just that. The kid KISSED his underwear. What could possibly happen next? Homeboy kissed his pajamas.

If you paid me a billion dollars I don’t think I could have come up with this exact scenario.

I couldn’t tell you the last time I laughed as hard as I did this morning while getting that kid dressed, it’s more often bookended with yelling, tears, or some combination of the two. Today though? The universe threw me a bone, cause little man was fucking HILARIOUS going around kissing weird shit. I can’t WAIT to see what the hell he does tomorrow now, but no matter what this morning will stick with me for a nice long while to come.

It’s not often we have perfect mornings with our minions, but when we do it is pure, unadulterated joy. So just remember parents, and really anyone too- life is pretty much a constant nightmare right now, but if you tune shit out for a minute, and just be present with your family for a minute, something joyful might manage to happen. Then, you hold the fuck on to it, cause in 2020 there is nothing more precious than a few minutes of happiness with the people you love.

AFH

A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration

The Ghost Generation

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