We’re not allowed in the kitchen at the same time ever since he covered my picture-ready face with cake. Fucker. As you can see he doesn’t care. He’s going to eat the cake anyway.

There are a few recipes I have in my head at all times. I feel everyone should have meals that they’re good at and/or that they can make while they’re heavily sedated. Or hungover. One such meal is my Spaghetti Bolognese, or as AFH likes to call it, his “death row” meal.

Just because it’s what you’d eat as your last meal on Earth doesn’t mean that you should eat three helpings…

This also ties in to our debt-free journey as this fucker makes at least three family sized meals for the week with just one recipe, saving at least some money towards your grocery bill. There will be more to come in future weeks but for now, I bequeath you this:



  • Ground Beef – I go for the 80 lean/20 fat stuff as it’s more manly. Don’t go for the low-fat stuff as your children will think less of you. For a family of four the 1 lb. size is fine. If you’re a vegetarian, skip this ingredient.
  • 1 large red onion
  • Bell peppers – 1 green, 1 red, 1 yellow
  • Worcestershire Sauce
  • 2 large cans of crushed tomatoes
  • 1 small can of Tomato Purée
  • Onion powder
  • Garlic powder
  • Salt and pepper
  • Tomato Ketchup
  • Olive Oil
  • 1 pack of spaghetti
  • 1 loaf of crusty bread


In the biggest pot you have in the house, add a tablespoon of olive oil. Put the heat on low and go cut the red onion into cubes. Don’t be a pussy and cry. Add the onions and turn the heat up to medium, stirring occasionally.
Open the beef by removing the Saran Wrap but keeping it in its tray and add approximately 3 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce (you try saying it and not sounding drunk) to it. While that’s marinating, cube the bell peppers and throw them in with the onions.

Around this time, all of the adults in your house will say, “It smells so good in here.” Try not to appear too smug – it’s just some onions and peppers for fuck’s sake.

Once the peppers and onions are starting to look soft but not burnt, add the ground beef in as chunks and start stirring. Add in one teaspoon of onion powder, 1/2 a teaspoon of garlic powder, 1/2 a teaspoon of salt and 1/2 a teaspoon of black pepper. By the way, that meat needs to be COOKED, not pink, before you move to the next step otherwise you run the risk of giving your guests food poisoning. Believe me, that’s not what they bargained for when they came over.

***FUN LITTLE FACT*** Did you know I can’t donate blood because I lived in England between 1989 and 1995? There’s a slight chance that I might have Mad Cow Disease. I haven’t shown any signs yet but there’s still time…

Once the beef is cooked, add the crushed tomatoes and the puree and stir until fully mixed. Add about two tablespoons of tomato ketchup, stir that in and you are done with the hard part. Word to the wise – don’t wear white while cooking this. You will inevitably end up with a tomato sauce stain that won’t come out no matter how much you Oxi-clean it (and it says it can remove blood right on the package. Yeah, right).

I’m not going to give you next steps for boiling pasta or making the bread nice and crusty (hint: it involves a stove top and an oven) because if you don’t have those basic life skills, you don’t deserve to eat this meal. I would say I’m being sarcastic but I have an 18 year old niece who called her grandmother asking her how to use a can opener. I KNOW, RIGHT!?!?

This meal should get you 10 helpings. Other uses include adding the bolognese sauce to a baked potato or eating it straight out of the Tupperware over the sink. I don’t judge. – FemaleGG

A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top