I remember when commercials started adding those fast-spoken, long-winded, and ridiculous-ass legal disclaimers at the end. The only thing these advertisers were legally required to do was say that stuff somewhere, and to get all the info out they must have had some poor voice actor read with a gun to his head, or they probably sped it up in post. Either way, it sounds silly as hell, and if you’re wondering why the fuck I’m going on about disclaimers I’ll explain.
The WORLD is an aggro straight-edge kid.
Back in the 90’s the punk rock/hardcore youth of America had this fantastic subset of super-aggressive, backpack-clad, Earth Crisis shirt-wearing Straight-Edge kids who would go to shows in little “crews” and start shit with people for smoking, drinking, etc. For the kids in the back of the class, Straight-Edge was a movement started by esteemed punk-rock pioneer Ian MacKaye (Minor Threat/Fugazi) which sought to bring about a more positive punk/hardcore scene by fostering a no drink, no drugs, no casual sex lifestyle contradictory to the wasted, vomiting, bottle-throwing version the media seemed to be obsessed with back then.
It was natural that a small group of suburban dingleberries would take a mostly positive (if not a little fucking boring) idea and turn it violent and shitty, and instead of spreading positivity these kids were just beating the shit out of anyone who didn’t agree with them. I mean, even those Mormon cunts that knock on my door from time to time don’t fucking HIT me, so these clowns we’re thankfully an annoyance that didn’t hang around TOO long.
Welcome to the only holiday-themed blog post that also includes the word cunt. Glad you could join us.
I’ve said all this to end up back at my point: The fucking WORLD has become an aggro Straight-Edge kid and apparently saying “Merry Christmas” is frowned upon now. I’m not even a fucking CHRISTIAN for god’s sake (pun intended) but Merry Christmas was always kind of an easy passing greeting at best or worst. It could be as heartfelt as you wanted it to be, or as flippant as you wanted it to be too. Now? Apparently we’re all so fucking fragile that you’ll get dragged through the media covered in tar and feathers unless you magically know the RIGHT holiday to bestow wishes upon someone with OR you say “Happy Holidays” and just cover all the bases.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I’m not even TRYING to get involved in the whole “war on Christmas” thing cause I don’t truly give a fuck. I don’t give a shit about religion, I love Christmas for entirely different reasons, and it’s what I’ve always celebrated so it’s always been what I said as a greeting or whatever. I also understand that we’re trying to be a more inclusive society, which The Ghost Generation FULLY endorses, but are we really getting OFFENDED at something as innocuous as Merry Fucking Christmas? Annoyed, fine- but OFFENDED? A little much don’t you think? THAT’S my stance folks, inclusion is wonderful but getting offended over BULLSHIT is a waste of your energy and mine. We have VASTLY larger problems to worry about, and when we have world leaders talking about “grabbing bitches in heat by the pussy” you can rest assured that there’s plenty of MUCH worse shit to be offended by anywhere you choose to look. Hell, look here if you want to- I gleefully say “cunt” and I don’t care who knows it.
So whatever, “Merry Fucking Christmas” gets everyone’s collective undergarments in a wad so this is my “Non-Exclusionary Holiday Message”. I was going to have some form of “Merry Christmas” in the title but I wanted to be a dick so you get sarcasm. Better than a lump of coal or an Applebee’s gift card though, amirite?
I used to buy weed from a dude that worked at Applebee’s. THAT was less sketch than eating there.
The truth is, I wish you guys the absolute BEST holidays possible whatever it is you celebrate. At the end of the day we’re all doing the same thing, celebrating love and human companionship with food and rampant commercialism. Also lights, and candles in SOME capacity. So yeah, pretty much the same. There’s the whole religious angle too, but not for us. We love it because of all the warm-fuzzy stuff associated with the holiday, not the birth of mythical figures that may or may not have existed. “Jesus is the reason for the season”? Get fucked Bible Belters, we’re in it for the LOVE. Playing along for a second, Jesus might have been all about loving your neighbor, but the religion that was built around him was ANYTHING but loving and inclusive so why the FUCK would I want my “most wonderful time of the year” to remind me of oppression, homophpbia, and motherfucking crucifixion? No thanks, pass the shrimp cocktail. Also, my neighbors are unlovable assholes who do yardwork in the fucking rain, so I don’t even think they love themselves. Whatever, we LOVE Christmas and my wife covered all that stuff extremely well here (the reasons WE love Christmas) so I won’t rehash or steal her beautiful thunder.
I need to make sure I’m crystal-clear here though, so we don’t get cancelled faster than a shitty CBS sitcom: I am ALL ABOUT inclusion. I just think it’s also IDIOTIC to feel attacked if somebody wishes you a Merry Christmas. That’s it. I just feel like we’ve collectively lost the ability to smile, nod, and move the fuck on with our lives if something even SLIGHTLY pisses us off and that just CAN’T be a good thing. Everything becomes it’s own little war, we seem to REALLY like turning things into war, and now even human interactions are a near-constant boxing match of “will I get shit on for saying this totally innocuous thing?” It’s just fucking exhausting.
Whatever, you know where to send the hate mail.
Ok, I’ll calm down. Greeting requirements and annoyances aside- fucking Christmas is awesome, and YOUR holiday is too. This is the one time a year when I feel like we’re all somewhat united, which is sad if you think about it too long but DON’T! Focus on the now god damn it- everyone has decorations of some kind out, everyone is eating like an asshole, and the spirit of giving is all around us. One of my favorite things around this time of year is looking at people’s houses when I’m driving, not in the creepy way it nearly sounds like though. I like seeing people’s trees lit up inside their windows, silhouettes standing around their mantles, smoke pouring out of chimneys. It’s a sort of voyeuristic togetherness thing I guess, but it warms my black little heart to have a sense that were all kinda doing the same shit for a little while every year. A lot of the reasoning behind us starting The Ghost Generation was because we feel isolated from the world around us so much of the time, and this time of year dulls the edges of those feelings a little and it’s nice.
There’s no hugely-deep meaning behind it, my wife and I both came from “less than fully functional” families but Christmas was always the time of year when things were OK for a little while. So even as snarky, jaded, full-on grown-ups we still love to get FULLY enveloped in the magic of the season. We want to share that with our children too, our BTEE (Buddy The Elf Energy), because they DESERVE a few weeks a year when they can count on things being as warm and fuzzy as humanly possible. We brought them into this fucking shit-storm of a world, the least we can do is show them a good fuckin’ time on Christmas!
FUCK THE TORCH MOBS!
That’s right, MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! Gasps! Shrieks! The horror!
I said it and I don’t regret it either, but also- Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and all the others too! I’m a fairly worldly fella but those are the only ones that jump out at the moment. Feel free to educate me on other “year-end holidays of the world” in the comments, I’m always down to learn something new. The Ghost Generation is about love, inclusion, and equal rights for ALL people, and even though I’m taking the piss out the whole greeting situation I want you guys to know, just like every other time of the year- we are here for YOU. In an inclusionary sense but also when it comes to the not-so-great feelings that can come up for a lot of us during the holidays. They can happen to all of us and I assure you, you’re not alone. Not in the slightest, not in any way.
YOU are not alone, because WE are here. This time of year it is more important than ever to make sure loneliness is kept at a minimum, and some people have a real tough time during the holidays- so just know, if you’re feeling alone we are here for you. FemaleGG and I are here in Atlanta, doing a lot of the same things you are, dealing with the same dysfunctional family shit you are, feeling the same warmth you are, thinking about the same hopes and dreams for 2020 that you are. It’s not much, but if you’re feeling low you can at least sit in the knowledge that we’ve felt the same way, shit we STILL do. Outside of an amount of family members I can count on one had the rest of ’em have pretty much abandoned us and it can be HARD to deal with. Even though they’re assholes for doing it, nobody feels good about being cast aside. But we get through it together, and we’re not letting ANYBODY fuck with our motherfucking happiness this Christmas or ANY Christmas for that matter. We’ve worked HARD this year and we deserve to celebrate how far we’ve come and look hopefully into the coming year as a family.
YOU deserve that too.
You really do, so PLEASE remember that you’re never alone. Ghosties never say die, and we might be small right now but The Ghost Generation is spreading like a slowly simmering pandemic so the numbers are growing by the day and you’re a part of that community. Like I said, it might not be much, but it’s SOMETHING. If you need to talk, we’re listening. We might be taking some hard-earned time away from posting for a few days but we’re never far and I always get a notification if someone reaches out. Drop a comment, send an email, whatever. Long story short, don’t fucking sit with shitty feelings. We don’t, we get them out here, so you’re welcome to do the same. Feeling SUPER shitty but don’t want to vent to strangers on the internet? Try this instead:
Whatever the case may be, this time of year can be extremely difficult for a lot of people, but you don’t have to feel alone. There are lifelines, there is help, and there IS light. It might be at the end of a long fucking tunnel, but it is there. I promise. I’ve been as low as a person can get without LITERALLY laying down in a gutter, and I guess I’ve done that too but more “passed out in a ditch”, but no need to split hairs. I know what its like to feel so alone you’re not even sure there’s a heart inside you, and I’ve gotten through to the other side mostly so you can too.
Just don’t come at me all “somebody wished me a Merry Christmas and it hurt my feelings!” cause I’m gonna have to immediately kick you in the baby making bits for doing so. You’ve been warned. 2019 has been a hell of a year, and you’re STILL getting my “End of the Year” article sometime between now and New Year’s Eve but I want to take a second to once again thank YOU for being a part of The Ghost Generation’s first few months. We just hit 4 official months a couple days ago and it feels like I’ve been doing this my whole life. It feels like such a part of me it’s been there all along, and I guess it HAS in a lot of ways. FemaleGG feels the same too, and when you read her work it’s readily apparent that this is a part of her that has always been there too. We love this and if the first FOUR LITTLE MONTHS are this amazing I’m stoked out of my mind for what’s ahead. You guys keep reading, we’ll keep writing. Just please do us a favor, and NEVER feel alone again. We’re here, going through all the same shit as all of you, and we’re putting “pen to paper” to show you that we can ALL find our way to the light.
Merry Everything, Ghosties.
A brand new blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration