Ooooooooooeeeeeee this one’s a doozy. This particular recipe has been in my arsenal for over 20 years. It can be edited or added to depending on your taste but be prepared to make this for every party you ever have moving forward. It’s also fully vegetarian so you don’t need to worry about offending anyone seeing as everyone’s got some sort of weird food thing nowadays. Strap in Ghosties…
THE “FUCK ME, THAT’S GOOD” SPINACH DIP
WHAT YOU’LL NEED
- 1 block of frozen chopped spinach (allow to defrost before starting. I always forget this step so welcome to the miracles of a microwave on the power 3 setting)
- 6 roma tomatoes
- 1 large red onion
- Diced jalapeños (get a jar of these so you can use some of the juice)
- 1 can of sliced olives OR 1 can of water chestnuts
- 1 extra large block of cheddar cheese
- 1 medium block of sharp cheddar cheese (typically the white stuff, I use Cabot’s Seriously Sharp Cheddar)
- 1 block of cream cheese
- Canola oil spray
- Olive oil, salt and pepper
- Nachos or crusty French bread to eat it with
HOW TO MAKE THIS RECIPE YOUR BITCH
Pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit and spray oil a big baking dish (about a foot in length because this recipe makes A LOT). In a large pot, add about two tablespoons of olive oil and place on low heat. Chop the onion and add in to the pot, making sure that the olive oil has coated most of them.
Here’s where personal preference kicks in – slice or dice the Roma tomatoes. Hell, use cherry tomatoes, or beefsteak tomatoes or whatever the fuck you want. Same goes for the cheese too. I’ve known people who’ve used nacho cheese, Monterey Jack, Manchego. I know people who hate olives so that’s where the water chestnuts kick in. It’s all personal preference and you can’t say, “This is the best dip I’ve ever tasted” if you don’t like what you’ve put in it.
Maybe just stay away from scenarios such as, “I’m going to add this Banana Laffy Taffy.”
Turn up the stove top to medium heat and add tomatoes to the pot, as well as the chopped spinach and either the olives or the water chestnuts or BOTH! GO CRAZY! Drain the cans before you put the contents into the pot – you don’t want this to be too watery. I almost wrote “sloppy” but that made me vomit a little. It’s like “moist” or “breath”, a terror-inducing word to the senses. ANYWAY, cube the cheeses and add them to the mix and stir. Add a tablespoon of diced jalapeños as well as about two tablespoons of the juice from the jar. Depending on how much heat you want in this you can go nuts.
Although it’s not wise to have people run away from this dish screaming after trying it, wheezing for water like they’re in the fucking Mojave desert
Add the salt and pepper (a little bit of both for taste), then cube the cream cheese and add to the pot. LIGHTLY stir – you don’t want those cubes to break and I’ll let you know why in a second (oooooo, a mystery AND a recipe!?!? You’re welcome). Pour the contents into the prepared baking dish and put in the oven for about 35 minutes. It should be bubbling when you pull this sucker out. Let it sit for about 10 minutes if you value the roof of your mouth. Now, why is this the best dip in the world? Because those little cubes of cream cheese have stayed intact and are absolutely amazing when baked. When you freeze anything you have left for a future meal? It’s even hotter when you defrost it because something magic happens to the jalapeños when brought back to life.
I don’t know why, it just does. Do I look like a scientist!?!?
This recipe makes enough for a whole party or about 18 servings. Or maybe just one serving if it’s been a pretty rough week in work. BAM, SON! – FemaleGG
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