I NEED A FUCKING VACATION/CANTO #53

I NEED A FUCKING VACATION/CANTO #53

I need a fucking vacation. That’s as eloquently as I can put it, my fucks to give have ran out and that’s it. There’s no sugar coating, no flowery prose, no superfluous verbosity- I need a fucking vacation and thank FUCK we’re going on one.

Before you start judging…oh, wait…it’s the internet, you’re already judging.

Here’s the thing- we need a fucking break, and we need it badly. My wife is overwhelmed with work, I’m riddled with anxiety, and our kids are stir crazy. So, in a couple weeks, we’re packing some shit up and we’re getting the fuck out of dodge. Where to? If you weren’t judging yet I bet you’ll start now, cause we’re going to Florida!

The drive to Florida is populated with some of the greatest billboards in human history. I present this as Exhibit A.

Yes, we’re packing up the car and heading down to one of our favorite places on earth: Ormond Beach, FL. We don’t fuck with the Florida people in the South are obsessed with, they can keep Panama City Beach and fuckin’ Tampa. The Ormond Beach/Melbourne area is still somehow kind of under the radar, and while elements of meth sniffin’ Florida are adjacent, on the whole it’s a really quaint little area with super nice beaches, killer food everywhere you look, and the kitschy fun of the Daytona boardwalk not too far away.

And yes, we are aware that Florida is one of the worst states as far as COVID-19 is concerned, but you know what? We’re not idiots! We’ve managed to keep ourselves safe so far, and where we’re going is pretty safe too. It’s a condo-style resort and it’ll be cleaned top to bottom before we arrive and we’ll keep it clean while we’re there. They’re practicing social distancing at the pool, and on the private beach, so we’re good there. Plus, all the restaurants we like to get food from are being smart and keeping shit safe too.

So, fuck it. Judge away, internet! The truth is, if we don’t get the fuck out of Atlanta for a while and turn the fuck OFF for a week I’m afraid we might go out of our god damned minds.

Shit, half the time I feel like I’m ALREADY out of my mind. Probably am.

This energy resonates with me more than I care to admit in 2020.

Mentally juggling all the shit being thrown at us in 2020 is enough to make ANYONE beat the shit out of a Lincoln Navigator with an umbrella after rage-shaving their head, so it’s frankly a fucking miracle we’re not seeing more people losing their shit spectacularly out in the world. It’s mostly just the Trumpers, throwing tantrums about wearing masks and being their right-wing stupid selves.

The Karens too, they’re having a rough go of it right now it seems. So mad about masks and their Starbucks order getting messed up, such tragedies they are being forced to endure. Yes, the idiots of this world are REALLY showing their stupid right now and true to form they all seem to be getting dumber by the day.

Unfortunately, that also includes the people that are supposed to be PROTECTING US FROM THE FUCKING PANDEMIC but hey, we can’t expect the inept to suddenly become ept just cause we need them to.

I know “ept” isn’t a word by the way, just so we’re on the level.

So yeah, we’re gonna spend a week eating some of our favorite food, playing with our kids, and listening to the fucking ocean. Besides, we don’t fucking feel safe ANYWHERE right now so we might as well go enjoy ourselves and decompress for a bit. No work, no writing, no social media either- I’m taking the week fucking OFF. Not “mostly off”, not “available if necessary”, motherfucking OFF.

What the fuck is this all for if we can’t even allow ourselves a few days to NOT be beholden to our inboxes, followers, or employers? Our “always on” culture is half the reason America is in this shitty spot in the first place, cause we can’t even shut shit down long enough to contain a fucking PANDEMIC, let alone allow each other a little time to not be of fucking service to someone or something.

So fuck it, fuck it all. We’re gonna go eat fresh seafood, build sandcastles, and listen to 80’s music on the balcony of our room. We’re gonna go get a fuck-ton of salt water taffy from Zeno’s on the boardwalk in Daytona, and our kids are gonna play in the wonderfully temperate pool. We’re going to be careful and we’re going to be safe, and that’s fucking it.

We’re on the right side of the fence with this shit, but we need a fucking break. It’s not even like we’re getting a FULL break, we still have two little kids going with us, but when we are there we are happy, and we’re at peace. Peace is becoming more and more hard to come by these days and I feel like we’re smart enough to protect ourselves out there so we can get out of here and put everything down for a little while. Some people might not agree, and that’s fine. This isn’t defiance of all the new rules we’re living under either, we’re just gonna take our safe, sanitized asses the fuck out of here for a while so we can NOT end up like this guy:

We’re extremely excited about this trip and I really don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about it, at this point it’s not like there’s anything to fucking lose anyway. It’s been me, my wife, and the kids against the world for a long time now, and that won’t be changing anytime soon so anyone who doesn’t like it can go fuck themselves. We’ll be smart, we’ll be safe, and we’ll be a little more sane when we come back. Hopefully.

Or, we’ll be just as crazy as we were before we left Georgia, just with a tan. Either way, I’m gonna a try to keep writing a little more frequently leading up to the trip cause once we’re there this guy will be a fucking GHOST (no pun intended) for 8 days.

That’s all for now, I’m sure you were all anxiously awaiting an article about our vacation plans so now you can finally sleep again.

AFH

A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration

The Ghost Generation

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