I’ve had, like most days, a random song stuck like epoxy in my brain this morning. That song is “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison. It’s there because, while it’s a fucking infectiously funky-ass song on its own merits, we’re watching New Girl for I believe the THIRD time since COVID-19 got the party started a few months ago and the song is used twice in the series to fantastic effect.
I’ve even mentioned it in a post here before, so congrats Mr. Morrison. You’ve macked your way to immortality.
Why the fuck have we watched New Girl three times in as many months? Cause it’s 100% mental fucking comfort food, and right now mental fucking comfort food is as close to a top priority as some shit can get in my life without being called “wife” or “kid”. The world is a chaotic, infectious fuckhole spewing forth uncertainty, despair, and unrest and do you know how much of this shit I can control? Absolute fuck-all ZERO.
You too, you can’t control shit right now either. Sure, people are protesting, smart people are wearing masks, and there are a very small handful of good things going on out there that people ARE exerting a modicum of control over, but it’s mostly illusion, right?
I mean, protest is wonderful regardless of its effects, but those effects are still outcomes held in the hands of those in power. We have very little control over whether or not our actions effect real change, so there’s one. COVID-19? There’s another. We can wear masks, we can do all the right things, but sure as shit stinks there’s an army of flag-waving dipshits right behind us, standing self-assured and mask-free, coughing all over logic and reason and stripping us of ANY control we might have had over the spread of this insidious fucking virus.
You’re gonna keep going, aren’t you?
Yep, cause now I’m proving a point! Your job? SUPER FUCKING DUPER out of your control, cause any one of the companies you or I are working for right now could crumble at any time, or you could get furloughed, or who fucking knows? Not me! I don’t know shit, just like everyone else.
What else? Have I started getting my point across? We’ve entered into a time where positivity is as fleeting as a summer rainstorm, where logic has been abandoned for lunacy, and where propaganda has replaced common sense. If you’re joining us from the U.S.A. then you’re living through all of this nightmare in the country that is supposed to be the beacon of hope for the developed world yet we have managed to fuck everything up worse than all of the other everywheres combined. It’s a shit-show in the shit-hole we’ve made because of our own arrogance and greed, our ignorance and lies, and for a somewhat intelligent, free-standing individual like myself- the lack of control over anything at all is becoming crippling to put it mildly.
Was that a long-winded way to explain why we’re watching a fuck-ton of New Girl? Yeah, probably. Do I care? Nope!
New Girl is wonderful. New Girl exists in a world where nothing too incredibly terrible happens, no pandemics are ravaging the globe, and Barack Obama was still president. It’s also one of the most perfectly written shows ever and if you don’t agree you’re a white nationalist. Ok, ok, that last part wasn’t true, but the truth is that it’s a wonderful show and even THIS guy who was incredibly averse to the Zooey Deschanel machine finds it delightful and would TOTALLY hang out and knit with Jess if the opportunity presented itself.
Nobody in New Girl is trying to prove how punk rock they are, nobody is killing anyone or anything, and like I said before- nothing awful is going down. So yeah, while the world is falling apart around us New Girl has been a fucking godsend, a warm blanket of happiness and a brief respite from all the darkness that ever threatens to worm its way through our front door.
So here I sit, “Return of the Mack” buried in my cerebral cortex like a drill bit, one more thing I have no control over (at least this one is a song though I suppose), and you’re never gonna guess what ELSE is going on. DRUMROLL PLEEEEEASE……I’m sick. Again.
Yep, I’m fucking sick again. Terrible cough, restless body, the full monty. It’s fucking bullshit, I feel like I can’t catch a fucking break with this shit. I get better, it comes back. Ad fucking nauseam. So I’m in bed, writing this between episodes of Narcos, a few minutes here and there of The Binding of Isaac, and drinking so much water I’ve peed more times this morning than I’ve blinked. Don’t fact check that, it’s not physically possible. FAKE NEWS!
Anywho, the reason there’s a Marvin Gaye reference in the title of this post is this: Whenever I get “Return of the Mack” stuck in my head, for some weird and unclear reason it starts to turn into “What’s Going On” after a while. Maybe the cadences are similar, maybe I’m weird, or maybe I’m weird. Either way, since I had “What’s Going On” mentally alternating with “Return of the Mack” I figured I’d let you guys know what was “going on” with yours truly. Stupid, I know. Whatever, I’m sick and I’ll do dumb shit if I want to.
I’m sick, the world is burning, and COVID-19 is currently getting worse by the hour in the good ol’ U.S.A. I have no control over anything, I’m stressed, and I’m scared. I’m sick of everyone’s shit and I’m sick of Donald Trump’s face.
I’m sick of all the lies, I’m sick of all the hate, and I’m sick of the pair of testicles wrapped around Mitch McConnell’s neck masquerading as a chin. I don’t think that made sense and I don’t care. If I had a point when I started this, it’s just to let you know that you’re not alone. Not by a long shot. This much sustained misery is something none of us have ever had to live with and it fucking sucks. That’s it. I’m here, just like you, firmly entrenched in the suck. Add to that the fact that the virus is getting worse thanks to our brainless leaders, people are still being killed by the fucking cops, and you get a real sense that there’s just no end in fucking sight.
Anyone without a total lobotomy would be stressed, scared, drained, frustrated, all of the above. I am, you are, and it is OK. That’s it, that’s all I got right now. I guess I’m just here to make sure you remember that I’M still here, and to remind you that we’re all in this shitty boat together. Need a break from all this shit? Try New Girl, it’s on Netflix and it’s fucking fantastic. Yeah, I know it’s been around a while but I’m a crabby old bastard and I only got on board a little while ago. Whatever.
Sorry if I’m not making enough of a political statement or whatever, I’m sick and I just don’t fucking feel like it today. Duty calls for now, these episodes of Narcos aren’t going to watch themselves. Adios, Ghosties.
A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration