HASN’T IT BEEN “INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY” FOR LIKE A MILLION YEARS?/CANTO #18

HASN’T IT BEEN “INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY” FOR LIKE A MILLION YEARS?/CANTO #18

Remember when “Me Too” was what followed “I’d like a popsicle!” or “I’m going to see Toad The Wet Sprocket tonight!”. Did people ACTUALLY pay money to see Toad The Wet Sprocket? They did in fact, cause I knew a dude who had the shirt to prove it. What ADD?

Anyway, “Me Too” used to be something a person would say when they wanted to happily join someone in whatever that person was doing. Now? in 2019? Doesn’t mean the same shit by a longshot. It still DOES mean what it’s always meant but now, thanks to shitty fucking men, we’ll always have that twinge of negativity associated with the term. More specifically, the movement itself is vital, needed, and long-overdue BUT my brain immediately pictures Smarmy Slimestein (I don’t even want to say his fuckin’ name) and it just plain sucks. It’s an empowerment I wish we didn’t need, but we live in a garbage world where awful things grow like dandelions, so here we are. Claws fucking out.

Can penises be revoked like driver’s licenses?

You fucking men, you power-obsessed fucking men. You foul, elitist, petulant children in grown up bodies, you guys really know how to fuck shit up don’t you? You guys just really know how to bully, how to oppress, and how to objectify. You fucking men reduce us all to numbers, or demographics, or pieces of meat-but especially women. You treat humans like animals, you’re out for yourself and nobody else, and your machismo is an infection we can’t seem to find a vaccine for.

You disgusting pieces of left over shit in the toilet of life- some of you pricks have fucking DAUGHTERS. You have WIVES and MOTHERS. How the FUCK do you perform the level of mental gymnastics required to be a leering, drooling, fucking nasty, rapey evil fuck while also maintaining a family life too? My brain does NOT have that ability, and I wouldn’t want it if it could be learned. You think you rule the world but you don’t, and it is a joy to watch you motherfuckers squirm. Glee even.

I should backtrack a sec real quick, I’m writing this because I got up this morning, hopped onto the Twitta, and discovered that today is International Men’s Day. I read a few posts, expressed some of my thoughts about my kids and what being a man & father REALLY means, and more or less moved on with my life. Thing is though, the more I sat with it the more frustrated I became. Sure, there are plenty of guys out there, and I like to think I’m one of those, that aren’t pieces of inhuman sludge and that’s great. I’m not disputing that and I’m happy to celebrate the men out there NOT installing door-lock buttons under their desk or whatever the fuck these bags of shit are doing. The thing is, hasn’t essentially ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY been one giant fucking celebration of men? Haven’t the cock-bearers had ENOUGH time in the spotlight? Haven’t every single one of us allowed this mass-psychosis of a cultural dick-sucking go on for long enough?

If you call my wife “the fairer sex” I promise you’ll get punched in the throat. Not by me, I’ll be the one standing to the side laughing while you choke. Fucker.

I mean, it’s genuine fucking NEWS when a female CEO is appointed. I still hear people talking about female musicians as “chick bands”. Strip clubs are still a thing that nobody seems to bat much of an eyelash at anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fucking prude- it’s the objectification, the reductionism, the misogyny of it all that makes my blood boil out of my eyelids. Strip clubs just epitomize it in my opinion- a bunch of men, eating $12.99 Prime Rib, drinking shitty beer, and leering over women like wolves look at lambs. Fuck that shit, it’s not for me, I’ve been one time and I didn’t even want to in the first place.

I’m sensing you might want me to elaborate on this part of the story.

It was somewhere around 1999, I was still in my hometown spending most of my time trying to see how much toxic shit I could put down my throat without dying instantly, and I was sort-of playing in a sort-of punk band with my best friends at the time. My drummer was, to this day, the most fucking punk-rock person I’ve ever known. She was like a female G.G. Allin but much nicer on the inside. She was a force of nature and for her birthday that year, she wanted to go to this shitty strip club out in the middle of nowhere (the only one around I’m pretty sure) and she wanted ALL of us to eat a shitload of mushrooms before we left. I didn’t want to go but, free drugs. You understand.

I should have stayed the fuck home.

So a gaggle of tattooed, leather jacket wearing, purple haired weirdos on mushrooms tumbled into this cornfield strip club and everyone else proceeded to start throwing the $1’s around. I flat out refused to get a lap dance cause I’ll be damned if i’ll compromise my convictions for the sake of a party, so I sat and did my best to not throw up or flip out for the next few hours. Oh, young Aaron- you came so close to death so many times, future you really wants to slap you a few dozen times. Anyway, I’m there and that’s about the best thing I can say.

Music can make ANYTHING better.

After a while, there was a lull in the “Poison’s Greatest Hits” assaulting my ears and I heard a very familiar sound. It sounded like super flubby, low-tuned guitar strings. Hmmmm- I was totally out of my mind, but I know Tool when I hear it. Sure enough, it was the intro to one of my favorite songs of all time, “Prison Sex” by Tool, and I felt a TINY bit less creepy and awful. The dancer was a very gothy young woman who, credit where credit is due, did as “arty” of a performance as possible in that particular situation and it was about as comfortable as I’d get all fucking night. After she was finished she walked over to me for some reason, all sweaty and dilated pupils and “I have to poop” face going on, and asked if I wanted a dance- I must have looked like about the ONLY one who appreciated the god damn song after all. I believe my exact words were “FUCK no, no offense, but I’m WAY too fucked up to deal with this right now!” Then, I proceeded to destroy her earning potential for the night by (you can probably guess where this is going) desperately trying to convince her to go get a job that didn’t involve being naked on “3 For 1 Wing Night”, and she managed to put up with me for about 15 minutes before my friends came crashing out of the VIP room and we got the fuck out of there.

There- that’s my one strip club story. Of course it’s fucking weird, it’s ME. I’ve never been back to one, and I never will. I’ve even skipped out on a bachelor party cause I knew that was part of the deal. Like I said, convictions don’t shut themselves the fuck off for the sake of a party. I’m a heterosexual male, women are awesome, their BODIES are awesome- I just don’t feel the need to do whatever the fuck THAT is. I don’t even know how a person can be physically aroused while eating chicken wings in a dingy nightclub, or why the fuck anyone wants to sit around getting fuckin’ blue balls around a bunch of other assholes. Nope. Not for me folks. Drummer had a hell of a time though, cause of course she did, and let’s shoot for the goal of never sharing this one again. Thanks.

All that rambling DID serve a purpose, but thanks for your concern.

See, men even have places where they go to see readily-available naked women to exploit, and I know- women go too, but we’re soapboxing about the dudes right now so you guys take a beat. Men have arranged a world that serves their every need, their every desire, and their ever-inflated egos at the expense of women’s dignity, women’s bodies, and women’s human fucking rights. I know I’m a fucking man too, but that doesn’t mean I have to BE like these assholes too. I understand that by virtue of my born gender I have lived a life that has probably benefited from male priviledge, but I don’t have to fucking LIKE it.

Men want to rule women at work, at home, in public, just fucking everywhere. Women better want to fuck a man at all times, do his fucking dishes at all times, and give him the boys he wants to raise to be assholes just like him. Puke, Fuck these men and anyone that looks like ’em. All the shit that’s come to light the past few years is illuminating things that everyone already fucking knew, but because these men have been allowed so much unjustifiable power for so god damn long, nobody ever did anything about it. Not anymore though, fuck you Louis C.K.! Fuck all of you, and if you’re SOMEHOW reading this and you’re one of ’em- yep, fuck you too. The last thing I want are human turds with half-brains reading my shit, I’ll manage without ya. Good riddance.

I was about to ask if misogynists had their own magazines and then I remembered Juggs.

So I guess my frustration is with the idea that we’re all going around patting ourselves on the back for “not being pieces of shit”. Cause the truth is, I don’t need a fucking award for that shit. I don’t need to be reminded to not treat women like shit, or to not hit my kids, or to not call anyone “toots”- I’m just a not-shitty person living in this shitty-person world. For every “International Men’s Day” there should be a “Holy Fuck Women, We’re Really Sorry For Being Dicks Since The Dawn Of Time, Here’s A Million Dollars And A Lifetime Equality Pledge” Day. Might be tough to get on a greeting card but we can make it work. Fuck celebrating my ass, I want to celebrate my fucking WIFE today- who bore two children, who seems to always get puked on when the kids are super sick, who always makes sure doctors appointments are remembered cause I can’t remember SHIT, and who helped me find the good in myself again when my light was all but extinguished. THAT’S some shit to celebrate right there, I just leave hair in the sink and cause problems.

I’ve always believed that if you’re not a part of the problem you better fucking well be a part of the solution, and I live by my convictions every day of my life. I love the women in my life, I respect the women in my life, and honor the women in my life-just like I do every other human being on the planet. I don’t make it a habit to separate people, I know some of us are black and some are white, that’s just a fact. Some of us are gay, some of us are straight, and some of us don’t know- again, just a fact. I just don’t give a shit, period. I hate that we live in a society that needs to box us in so badly, cause when I look around all I see are people. Anything else just seems hurtful, and counterproductive. Instead of wasting my time figuring out how we’re different, I’d rather just assume we’re all the fucking same, cause WE ARE. We’re all here, doing the best we can, trying to make sense of this world that goes further off the deep end every minute of every day. These men think THEY deserve a better version than everyone else? They think that THEY are superior and women should forever be second fucking fiddle? How dare they, how dare ANYONE, and fuck it straight to hell.

I could really keep going here, but my thoughts on dismantling the patriarchy could take up months worth of posts and frankly- I’ll most likely leave that shit to the women out there who are VASTLY more qualified to take those reigns than me. I just wanted to vent a little and point us towards the perspective that we (men) sure as shit don’t need a day of celebration, it’s a nice sentiment, sure- but what we REALLY need is a world that doesn’t allow all this shit to go down in the first place. Go kiss your wife, go hug your daughter, go somewhere and not be a dick, whatever. Just save my pat on the back, the world needs that energy for VASTLY more important things right now.

Like saving us from…ourselves.

This fucking ship is nearing the edge of the maelstrom, and we’re gonna go the fuck down if we don’t change this shit. Start looking at each other as people and not objects. Names, not demographics. Spirits, not genders. Love, not hate. That’s how were gonna fix this shit, we just gotta do it together. It CAN be done, we just gotta get these creepy fucking men out of the way to get there. We have their number, and the tide might actually be starting to turn, but us “non-shitty” people gotta keep fucking pushing.

By the way, while I’m on the subject of my wife (or was a few sentences ago)- she went to pick up the kids today so I could finish writing this. So, yeah- she’s amazing, you’re ALL amazing, so please save my pat on the back for yourselves. I sincerely hope the bad apples of my gender stop shitting all over everyone one of these days, it’ll be a nicer world when that day comes.

“Mother is the name for god, on the lips and hearts of all children”- The Crow

AJH

A brand new blog/website where this happily married, 30-something father of 2 little minions rants, raves, and speaks in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together!http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top