HALLELUJAH, HOLY SHIT!/CANTO #1

HALLELUJAH, HOLY SHIT!/CANTO #1

Hola Ghosties! Holy SHIT it’s been a crazy-ass few months! Like, we’re talking batshit, balls to the wall, “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!” crazy. I’m honestly surprised I’m able to sit here and type with everything we’ve had thrown at us since November, cause my brain has essentially been a pile of cold oatmeal for weeks now.

Eww.

Right?! Gross! Anywho, if you’ve been paying attention you know that the shop has been up and running but you’d also notice that all of our social media platforms got put on private mode for a while, shit our FB page came down all the way in fact. You’d have also noticed that almost all of our backlog of blog posts (151 to be exact) got mysteriously taken down too. The FUCK?! Why the secrecy, man? Now that the smoke’s gone, and the air is all clear, I just realized I was speaking in Filter lyrics. Abort!

Seriously though, now that we’re on the other side of this “life tornado” I’m in a place where I can talk about everything and I wanted to share it all with you ASAP. Sorry if it’s been weird keeping tabs on us lately, I PROMISE it’s all been deliberate and to good ends. Thanks to everyone of you that’s been hanging in there and getting stoked on what we’re doing, it’s back to full-speed ahead now and there’s NO looking back so let’s dive in!

Info dump incoming!

So since COVID-19 started making it’s way into our lives here in America, I’ve been working from home for the day job. I’ve been violently unhappy and mercilessly unfulfilled in said job for a long time now (sales in an essentially dying industry) so the plan has always been as follows: pay off our debt and get the fuck out of there. That goal wasn’t going to be realized until July of this year though so I hung in there. At the same time, I perfected the art of juggling and also began making our transition to a full-fledged jewelry company in October. It probably stands out as obvious, but it’s been a pretty stressful and tough time but the work was worth it cause I was building something that would be MINE.

Fast forward a little bit to November, I was hit in the head with a steel beam and decided we should try for kid #3. I’m just fucking with you, it was a conscious decision brought on by witnessing a sweet moment between a mother and her baby girl at Target.

I just HAD to go get dish soap that day.

I’d been against the idea but something just took over inside of me and I came home immediately to tell my wife I wanted to go for another minion. We got to work and she got pregnant almost immediately, cause these swimmers do NOT fuck around. We told a VERY small group of people, Im talking my mom and the kids, that’s ABOUT it outside of a couple super-close friends that pretty much count as family. This time around though, it was REALLY hard on Laura. Nausea set in pretty much immediately and she felt sick nonstop for WEEKS on end. It was awful, and we couldn’t do shit about it.

Just after Christmas, I was thinking about some of the major shit we would have to do on this house of ours in the coming years and doing what I usually do- sliding down a stress spiral forty miles long and doing the ‘what if?” dance about every possible catastrophe that could befall us. On this particular morning I hadn’t said an actual word to anyone yet and as I was making the bed, I turned to my wife and blurted out “should we move?”. We both stood there for a second and a coupe hours later I was calling our realtor to get shit in motion. We don’t like to waste time around here.

A masterclass in mildly-successful stress management.

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion about miscarriage

We set up a meeting with her for later in the week and then things took an unexpected turn. My wife went for a follow-up appointment at her OB-GYN cause they hadn’t heard a heartbeat at our first sonogram and it turns out we lost the baby. I’m not going to speak to it anymore because my wife is planning to write a post about the experience soon and I feel like it’s her place to talk about it however she sees fit. All I will say is this to sum it up and move on- we cried, we made peace with it, and decided that after living through 2020 we owed it to ourselves to take this and turn it into positive forward motion. No wallowing, no dwelling, let’s just take this energy and do big shit in 2021.

See, my wife is very lucky to work in a job where she makes a nice amount of cheddar and she can cover us with a little extra left to save every month. I’ve been wasting away at the day job for almost 7 years now and so once we paid off the debt I was going to stay home, take the kids to school/pick them up, and spend my days working on building the business. It’ll actually end up SAVING us money in the not-too distant future BUT- until the debt went away we could execute that plan. Moving to a new house would mean making a decent chunk on the sale, paying off our debt, and starting fresh in a brand new home. Thing is though, we LOVE our house, and the kids do too. If we had some savings we could cover the big stuff in a few years like a new roof, etc. AND we wouldn’t have to pull the kids away from their respective schools and friends.

I feel like an easy solution is about to be revealed.

Yep! We called our realtor back and said “no thanks!” and decided to refinance our house instead! Our mortgage would only go up by a small amount and we’d get enough money to pay of ALL our debt AND fix some of those big things around the house too.

Well, that day FINALLY came YESTERDAY! After some annoying errors and delays we got our funds, everything is finished, and we are now 100% debt free! It’s been a LONG journey to get here and I think we’re both still processing it right now. Plus, as soon as we got the wire transfer I was on my way to my office to put in my notice at the day job. February 10th is my LAST FUCKING DAY, and then my life will be all about my kids and growing this business. I’m finally free from the stress hamster wheel of sales, and it feels like a 1,000,000 ton weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

So what does all that have to do with me making all our social media private? Well, just before Christmas the company got bought out by a young dude and his father. I knew the guy was very likely on social media, and would VERY likely be looking into the people who worked for the company he just bought. It’s pretty obvious from a quick scan of our social media that THIS is where my heart lies, and I couldn’t get shit-canned before we closed on the loan, so I had to lock shit down so as not to draw attention to myself.

This next part made me physically hurt.

On top of the social media pages, I also took down almost ALL of our previous blog posts on here, about 151 or so to be exact. Lots of my writing was venting about shit, job included, so this site was one of the biggest liabilities to the situation. Here’s the kick in the pants- when you take down posts from a WordPress site they sit in your Trash folder. What I DIDN’T know, is that after 30 days they get PERMANENTLY FUCKING DELETED from the trash folder and can’t be recovered.

So yeah, your brain is correct- I officially lost all the blog content we’d built since August 2019 and that shit hurts, I’m not gonna lie. Luckily, my Spite interview and the recent shop updates stayed up but yeah-everything else is gone. You know what though? What’s the fucking point in wallowing about it? Just like the pregnancy situation showed us, maybe this year is ALL about “onward and upward”, and maybe it’s not such a bad thing that all those old posts are gone. I feel like a completely different person now, and if those old posts reveal anything intimate about me (besides hatred of Donald Trump, abandonment issues, and a penchant for deep emotional catharsis) it’s that I’ve been walking around one ANGRY fuck. Feeling stuck in that job was killing my soul, feeling unsure of what the next move was with the business was stressing me out of my mind, and feeling like I was living in some kind of debt-induced purgatory was slowly eating me from the inside out.

I was frustrated with my kids, my dog, pretty much everything. My anxiety was driving the fucking bus, and that’s no way to live. So, now this space can start fresh with a whole new perspective and that’s huge! No more President Trump, a little less worry about COVID, and the excitement of being able to dedicate my life to my family and making something out of this business I love so much. In the interest of all this self-improvement, I also decided to FINALLY do something about my anxiety. I decided to look into CBD treatment and to my sheer and utter happiness is working WONDERS! I take it every day, and it’s hard to explain EXACTLY how it feels, but I feel like my brain doesn’t go straight to “apocalypse mode” anymore, I get a second to breathe and my head is SO much clearer.

Plus the gummies are DELOYCIOUS.

True story. Oh yeah, AND we’re on Chantix working our way towards getting off the smokes for good, and we’re on Atkins so we can get out of “COVID shape” and back to feeling good again. We both lost over 10 lbs. so far and it’s awesome.

We figured out a long time ago that we don’t make small changes slowly. We make HUGE changes REAL FAST, and ALL AT ONCE! You know what though, it’s just how we roll and where some people might call us insane we’re actually pretty good at navigating these big changes cause that’s kinda been our deal since we got together. So there you have it, I had a fucking TON of life changes to share with you and I did my best to keep it brief and as non-headache inducing as possible.

All of our social media pages are off of private mode now, everything is in motion, and our life is getting settled into whatever version of “normal” this is gonna be. I really appreciate those of you who’ve stuck in there with us even though our online presence has been a little sketchy during all this. No more weirdness, no more secrecy, the bag is empty and there are cats EVERYWHERE! The shop is 15% off through 1/31 and we launched our clothing line during all this too! Hats and hoodies for now, but if you guys manage to clear those out we have a TON of rad concepts to bring to the shop so do us a solid and go snag some swag! We got ourselves a brand ambassador too, the human armored assault vehicle, aka Jesse Flowers. You can check him out on IG and he’s a super rad guy. He’s a trainer, competitive body builder, construction worker, motivational coach, and the dude looks RAD in our clothes & plugs so shoot him a follow and tell him we sent ya.

That was a lot of information, so I’ll shut the fuck up now and let you digest. Thanks for reading, check out the shop sale, and let’s keep doing RAD SHIT together!

AFH

The Ghost Generation makes rad jewelry for equally rad people. Also, we write stuff occasionally. Est. August 2019.

Etsy.com/shop/TheGhostGeneration

7 thoughts on “HALLELUJAH, HOLY SHIT!/CANTO #1

  1. Thank you. For sharing all of that. I am super-proud of everything you all have gone through. I know losing those posts was hard, but in a way, like you said, it was a good thing. Onward! Upward! Forwards!

    About miscarriages – it happens WAY more often than people know. It’s unfortunately socially stigmatized. We are told from an early age (playing with baby dolls) that we were born to breed), and if we can’t or not at first, there is something wrong with us. Also, that kid of death…no one knows how to approach it. So it just gets pushed aside. When what needs to happen is acknowledgement, social acceptence, and support.

    Much love to you and the fam! And to your business!

    1. Thank you so much Jasmine, we appreciate your kindness and support very much! All we know is, life is too short to stay in the negative- the past year or so has put it into STARK reality that this could all be taken away at any time. So screw it, like George Carin always said- “take a fuckin’ CHANCE, will ya?!”. 😉

  2. This makes me so happy!
    I know that there was a lot of shit, but man, you made the changes and took control of your happiness. You are so inspiring (and not in the “what I really mean is I pity you” way, but in the actual I NEED TO FUCKING DO THIS TOO way)! I’ma go buy something from the shop in celebration. 💜

    1. You’ve been with us since day one, Ducky! Thank you so much for the support, we appreciate you and I’m honored to be able to inspire another human! I’m so stoked to finally be lifting the veil from all this, it’s nice to get back to full-steam ahead. 🙂

  3. So sorry for what you have gone through, but it sounds like your heads are in the right place! That is more than half the battle. I’m glad that things are looking up, your family is in my prayers.

    1. Thank you so much! My wife is a natural at keeping it together, but for me- as someone who suffers from anxiety and probably a cocktail of other crap too I HAVE to make sure I keep myself in the right mindset. It’s imperative to my well-being. Plus, life is short- i don’t want to spend it worrying. 🙂

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