Here I am as a newly turned 27 year old lighting yet another cigarette. I used to stand next to the massive speakers at clubs with no earplugs in. I drank almost every night.


These are all things that most people do in their twenties or even teens if you started early like me. Around the same time my husband was doing about the same thing, albeit with close brushes with the law on the other side of the country. I bet you anything however that we weren’t thinking about turning 40 in those dumbass moments. At the time, that seems SOOOOOOO far away and basically we were all just living for the weekend anyway. But now that AFH is knocking down the door of 40 (in a mere seven months) and my 40th is following swiftly next year, I’m taking the time to ruminate on what might have been if I had access to a Delorean and was able to coach my younger, thinner self:

  1. Hey stupid. That 401K account that you don’t really understand? Put at least 10% of your salary in there. Don’t cash what little you have in there out when you’re 25 because you need to pay off a credit card. Why, you may ask? COMPOUND FUCKING INTEREST, that’s why! You’re not going to remember the countless meals you had eating out but you’re sure going to love the thousands upon thousands of dollars sitting there in your retirement account when you’re a mere two decades away from retirement.
  2. Maybe drink a little bit less. There’s no imaginary competition out there that says you have to keep up with the boys. That shit fucks with your complexion too. Dewy skin will require costly masks and lotions that will replace your alcohol fund and you’ll remember when, even on your worst day, your face would still glow.
  3. Speaking of, SLEEP. OH MY GOD, SLEEP. Kids don’t let you do that.
  4. Don’t mix Blueberry Stoli with Guava Rockstar. You’ll black out.
  5. Maybe start wearing earplugs when you go to shows. That way you’re not the 38 year old chick going, “EH?!?”
  6. Don’t date assholes. This seems pretty explanatory but still, don’t waste your time on them because you’ll never be able to “fix” them and this is all just a response for your fucked up daddy issues anyway. Your father didn’t pay attention to you because he was a compartmentalizing asshole who didn’t want kids in the first place. Not your fault. Find a nice guy (I actually accomplished this one, albeit with a colorful past and tattoos that I like to trace when I’m sleepy).
  7. Don’t be scared. Life is a bunch of unknowns but be confident in your skills. Don’t let men in the workplace walk all over you. Let people fail instead of letting them take credit for your work.
  8. Don’t buy that Audi. What 24 year old should be driving an Audi anyway, least of all with 65,000 miles on it which will require you to pay an awful lot of money to keep it running when it decides to crap out spectacularly around 80,000 miles???
  9. Listen to that tarot reader who told you very early on in your 20s that you would travel and wouldn’t meet your future husband until you were in your 30s. Instead of being sad about that fact and feeling like that was a lifetime away, you should have been happier that now you don’t have to worry about boy shit.
  10. THE BIGGEST ONE: Don’t fucking start smoking. It’s SUCH a stupid habit and such a bitch to quit. Breaking a 22 year habit sucks no matter which way you look at it. And don’t get me started on how much money would have been saved if it hadn’t been spent on packs of Marlboro Lights.

There were amazing things I absolutely am proud of in my twenties though that I wouldn’t change even if Doc Brown was saying, “Where we’re going we don’t need roads” while sitting next to me. Getting my bachelor’s degree, traveling all over the place, seeing amazing bands, avoiding tanning beds so I wouldn’t get skin cancer, dancing at dive bars until the house lights came on, taking the jobs I did (which led me to the career I have now and 15 years of experience in various marketing ventures). I have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and that even the shitty stuff led me to right here, to AFH, Ruby and Oli who I love with the force of a thousand suns. To my decidedly suburban life and job, directly going against the chaos I experienced in my childhood. To the debt paydown journey AFH and I are on, which hopefully will teach us how to be better with money for the rest of our lives and give us the tools to pass that knowledge on to our kids so they don’t make the same mistakes.

There are worse regrets to have out there of which I’m thankful I don’t have any. Hey, at least I didn’t murder anyone. – FemaleGG

A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together!


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