If you are like me, you are home with children right now due to this coronavirus lockdown. You also might have stocked up on all necessities including over the counter medication, vitamins, and canned goods. I was one of those people that got toilet paper, but that’s because we were down to our last roll, not because I thought I was going to shit myself silly if I got this virus.
I’ve been texting my friends across the country, keeping in close contact with my best friend who’s a surgical nurse in Washington state. She seems to be quite matter of fact about it and she’s a nurse so I’m choosing to follow her lead. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to be an idiot and have my mother-in-law over right now, who’s 74 and could catch the myriad of germs from my offspring, therefore lowering her immune system. I’d never be able to forgive myself because I WON in the mother-in-law lottery and I want her around forever.
So, what do I have planned with a four year old and a two year old? I stocked up on workbooks from Barnes and Noble for the four year old and luckily we have Disney+ so, done. The two year old just needs to be distracted on an hourly basis – Peppa Pig, educational games on the iPad, “play caaahs Mommy?” – as long as he has all those things he’s good. Throw in daily baths for these two and that kills another hour.
Because really isn’t that all that parenting young children is? Counting down each hour until bedtime when you can crack open that bottle of Makers.
Again, I love my kids. But they are exhausting and this isn’t a situation where I can stick them in front of a movie and trust they’ll remain seated. Add working from home on top of that and this is something we’ve just got to get through. I’m aware of how lucky we are that we can work from home, that we have salaried jobs, that we’re all healthy at this point. There are a lot of people out there that if they don’t work, they don’t get paid and they have NO idea how they’ll pay their mortgage or rent in two weeks time.
At this point, reading the news is futile. We have a bobblehead for a president who, let’s face it, is going to die from this virus because he keeps shaking hands with people who are infected and traveling to his resorts to play golf. He also didn’t know you could die from the flu, so there’s that.
If you want to laugh or distract yourself through this futility, I’ve come up with a list of things to keep your spirits up and distract your children:
- Watch Marc Maron’s “End Times Fun” on Netflix. At least you can laugh about the sorry state of the world (and this was recorded BEFORE the coronavirus was a thing).
- Watch New Girl on Netflix. All seven seasons are available on Netflix and my husband, who is a hardened man and hated Zooey Deschanel up until about three weeks ago, is now in love with this show (also recommended – Schitt’s Creek (Netflix/Amazon Prime), Mom (Hulu/CBS All Access) and Picard (CBS All Access)).
- Read. I’m currently reading “The Hunting Party” by Lucy Foley, a classic whodunnit, set in the wilderness of Scotland and centering on a group of friends who have known each other since university. REALLY hard to put down.
- Clean. If you want to keep your mind off the world coming to an end, clean your fucking house. Strip every bed, vacuum, bleach every surface. It’s actually helped me calm down about everything because I can control it. My house is now clean as fuck. At least until the kids decide to wreck it again.
- Drink. I laughed in AFH’s face yesterday when he said that two 4-packs should do it. My response was that would last him two days the way we’re going. I was far more sensible and asked him to pick me up BOTH Maker’s Mark and a bottle of Prosecco. Keepin’ it classy.
- I recently introduced Ruby to the Harry Potter movies. Four years old might be too young for these you say but the first three are perfectly fine children’s movies. It’s the fourth (“Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”) where it takes a turn and after seeing Voldemort in all his gross glory, I’m pretty sure the nightmare she had last night was about that. Yes, I feel shitty about that. No, I don’t regret the first three and they’ll probably be on constant rotation now (anything to break up the “Frozen 2” monotony).
- Which leads me here: Disney+ released Frozen 2 on their streaming service this past Sunday, three months earlier than planned. This is an absolutely lovely gesture if you have young kids who haven’t seen it. I have two kids who saw it in the movie theater (Ruby saw it twice) and then I made the mistake of getting the DVD and so we’ve seen it on a daily basis since the end of February. To all the people who texted me about it, Yes, I know Disney+ has it on there now, Yes, I know all the words to “Lost In The Woods” and No, I don’t foresee a day in the near future where that fucking movie won’t be played in my house.
- Play-doh. Keeps the kids occupied for 30 minutes. Then, if your kids are anything like mine, it will devolve into screams, colors being mixed (oh, the horror!) and you’ll be finding hard play-doh under couches and tables for days after.
- Coloring. Similar to the above but they’ll end up with marker ink all over their hands. Sometimes on their face. Mostly on your kitchen table. Crayola Washables are your friend.
- Baths. Keeps them in one place for a prolonged period of time. Bath books, colored bath tablets, foam pieces, bath crayons. Jesus, just try it all. The end result is that your kids are clean and don’t smell like a foot.
All I can say at this point is good luck, go scream in your bathroom with the door locked when you need to, and relax after the kids go to bed (no devices, no CNN). We’ll get through this Ghosties! – FemaleGG
A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration