AT MY OWN EXPENSE VOL. 2: I WAS IN A MUSIC VIDEO A BILLION YEARS AGO/SUB-CANTO #4

AT MY OWN EXPENSE VOL. 2: I WAS IN A MUSIC VIDEO A BILLION YEARS AGO/SUB-CANTO #4

Yep, true story. I was the “star” of a music video back in 2006. What feels like twelve lifetimes ago I was a radio DJ here in Atlanta and I was also managing AND playing in bands at the time too. I did some charity work with local musicians too, and among all the other shit I was the one who got to spearhead the local music show at my station.

World’s Shittiest Renaissance Man.

That very thing almost cost me my job countless times, because I would try to HELP our local scene and get the radio station to take notice of the thriving and diverse music we had right here in our backyard. Of course, being owned by Clear Channel (now iHeart Media) that was never gonna happen, so I would frequently get shot down and told to just do my fucking job and stop trying to champion all my local shit lest I pack my fucking boxes and fuck off.

Never one to listen to authority in any fashion I would, of course, abstruct and resist because if I’m going to be in that position I’m gonna try to make a positive impact on the music world at large. Otherwise, I’m just a dickhead throwing t-shirts at the rolling eyes of a room full of Sevendust fans and that’s not a good look for anyone.

So, during that time I became fast friends with a metric ton of other musicians from all over this wonderful city, and on occasion I’d get involved with their projects. I’d do guest vocals, play a little guitar, or just try to get their shit in front of these shitty fuckin’ label types and try to do what I could to help.

You’re here to see this fucking video though, so you’re probably frustrated, bored, or both by now.

Calm yourselves, I’m getting there. One of the bands I knew was Colossick. Their name was a combination of “colossal” and “sick” and they were a super-rad metal band that had a pretty damn respectable following around here for a few years. They were shooting a video for their song “Crumble Down” and they asked if I’d be down to be the main character. I used to hop onstage and do guest vocals with them on the song all the time so it was kind of a no-brainer. Obviously I said “fuck yeah!” and the rest is some kind of history.

The story of the video is as follows: I wake up to my “girlfriend” calling me a lazy piece of shit and berating me while I try to get dressed. She spills coffee on me and I leave for work dejected and down on my luck. I get fired, and when I call my lady she’s in bed with another dude. From there I get carjacked, harassed by a homeless fellow, given a cigarette by a sex worker, and ultimately I find my way to a bar where I drink and hear music coming from some where.

Spolier alert: I was legit HAMMERED during ALL of the bar/venue scenes.

I then wander into the venue area and there’s Colossick, raging to a full room of metalheads. From there, I crowdsurf and it all ends with me happily celebrating outside behind the club and done.

Some things are important for you to understand about this video:

  • This shit was 15 FUCKING YEARS AGO, so let that just be a blanket statement for everything you’re about to witness. The music? Solid chunky-ass American metal. The acting? No, YOU’RE stilted and awkward.
  • At the time, I was a DJ, and a musician, and a manager, and like 10 other things so my diet consisted of PBR, shitty bar burgers, and Red Bull, plus a hefty side order of never fucking sleeping- I was in the worst shape of my life so I don’t need you to point out how “jolly” I look cause I’m perfectly aware.
  • Everyone in the video was either a member of the band, their significant other, or someone who knew the band. The owner of the actual venue we filmed in (R.I.P. The Darkside) even makes a brief appearance and the crowd is an actual full-to-the-max audience.
  • Speaking of the venue scenes, you’ll see a few shots of me drinking. What you’re NOT seeing is that we did like 12 takes to get it right. What you’re ALSO not seeing is the fact that I had been on cold medicine cause we filmed this shit in the dead of winter, so I’d been sick between the acting parts and the filming of the venue stuff. What you’re fucking ALSO not seeing is that we didn’t use fucking fake liquor- that’s motherfucking Jagermeister you’re seeing me drink. After the 10th shot I was pretty much cooked, but there were at least two more to go.
  • I did NOT feel good the next day.
  • I did NOT feel good the day AFTER that.
  • Since I was a bit of what I’ll lovingly call a “D-List Local Celebrity” there were naturally people that wanted to give me shit, so a lovely bunch of skinheads decided to show up for the show so they could get themselves on video knocking the shit out of me. Immediately after my stage dive, what you don’t see is the large Nazi bastard cold-cocking me square in the face and knocking me down. Not OUT, but down. I was wasted and I had just jumped into 400 seething metalheads so in my defense I didn’t see the fucker coming.
  • I was carried out back where I Immediately vomited my guts out while bleeding from the mouth, but the video was finished and I lived to tell the tale.

Once the director got it all edited up and ready to roll we did a release party, and they had a rad DVD package for their fans. They broke up a couple years later and everyone moved on to other things, but one of the guys must have decided to let the world see this thing and it’s on YouTube now in all of it’s Jager-fueled glory. Since I’m working on a million things right now, I figured a nice stopgap would be to share this little wonder with you guys today so here goes. FemaleGG hasn’t even seen this shit yet, so I can’t wait to see her face and the laughter that will inevitably follow. I’m always glad to make you guys laugh at my own expense, and because I’m me it tends to come easy.

So, enjoy the 15 year-old video for Colossick’s “Crumble Down” and feel free to mock my acting skills mercilessly in the comments.

AFH

Side note: Vocalist/guitarist Tom Blair can be found around Atlanta rocking the shit playing all kinds of stuff, check him out here. Guitarist Maq Brown is now a fucking beast of a photographer and you can find HIM here. Drummer Jeremy Kidd is in another rad band called Harvester (I think they’re still a thing, I’m terminally out of the loop so I could be wrong) and you can stalk them here. I don’t know what the bassist Justin Whitley is up to these days but maybe he’ll see this and drop me a line.

A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration

The Ghost Generation

9 thoughts on “AT MY OWN EXPENSE VOL. 2: I WAS IN A MUSIC VIDEO A BILLION YEARS AGO/SUB-CANTO #4

  1. Lololololol! You were a bad aas my friend – you are still a bad ass and you will always be a bad ass ❤️ Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently, thanks for the walk down memory lane 🥰

    1. Thanks Amanda, I don’t know if I qualify for such high praise but I’ll take it! Glad you enjoyed it, my wife hadn’t seen it yet so she finally got to see 2006 AFH in all his “glory” lol.

  2. Holy shit!!! I was the angry boss in that video! You were hilarious and made it all so fucking fun! You even took care of my then, toddler aged child!!! Do you remember the two year old that was there? That was my girl! 🙂 She’s grown up quite nicely mind you… She’s 15 now. Do you feel old? You should 🙂

    Keep on keeping on man. BTW, I got a couple of the skins back for you… I don’t think you knew that.

    1. I was also Colossick’s “manager” at the time. I can legitimately say I’ve enjoyed few bands as much. They’re still great friends to this day. And they’re even better musicians.

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