AN OPEN LETTER TO “THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD”/CANTO #26

AN OPEN LETTER TO “THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD”/CANTO #26

Dear Donald J. Trump,

How do you greet total scum? I’ve always assumed you’d prefer “Buenos Dias You Piece of Shit” but maybe that’s just my idea of a good time. Let’s go with that then- Buenos Dias, you piece of shit. This is 100% truth, in case you need a refresher: The truth is when something isn’t a lie, it used to exist but now we live in the land of “alternative facts” so I guess you’ve managed to fuck us out of the truth among so many other things. I digress, the 100% truth is that I had some extremely fucked up dreams last night, the kind that STICK with you for a few hours into the day. A few years ago it might have been the kind of thing that would cause me to wake up sweating, screaming, or some combination of the two, but now that nightmares are fairly normal occurrences (thanks world!) I just sort of woke up without much incident.

Then I looked at my phone.

In my dream, the US and maybe the whole world had been plunged into an apocalyptic type situation. Things had very clearly gotten to the point where those of us who were left after whatever happened were forced to board up, seal up, and conceal our whereabouts as much as possible because it was every person for themselves. There was rubble and smoke all over the place so I’m assuming it was either a full-blown “Jesus came back and didn’t like the appetizers” religious apocalypse, a global pandemic of some kind, OR some kind of World War 3 scenario. I’m confident that it wasn’t zombies though, but are people in situations like this much different from them anyway?

So, there I was, right in the thick of it. I was with a group of strangers and without my wife and children, I didn’t have a sense that I’d LOST them either so I guess it’s just where the chips fell for this dream. We were holed up in an apartment building that had been abandoned in “the event” and being as quiet as we could. A few times a day we would strategically pry off a couple boards so we could survey our surroundings and send somebody out to search for supplies, food, or anything that might be of some help. The problem was, there were other survivors out there too, and they were frequently not the kind of people you’d want to run into in the apocalypse. You see, these kinds of “happenings” don’t bring out the best in people, and instead of banding together to ride out the storm some people will fucking kill you, take all your shit, and repeat when they find the next batch.

Not far from what you’ve helped America become, right?

That being said, nobody was exactly volunteering to be the poor sap that went out foraging on a given day, but apparently we had a system. Maybe we drew straws or played “paper, rock, scissors”, it wasn’t a clear part of the dream but somebody got sent out to do it, that’s all I remember. We pryed a board off of the windows in two areas so we could see a wide enough area to alert this person to danger should it arise and we watched with bated breath as they scrambled around, digging through rubble and trash to find SOMETHING that might be of some benefit to our lot. They found a few things of interest (I don’t recall if it was a woman or a man, I guess my dreams don’t do gender bias so that’s nice) but all of our collective hope and excitement was very quickly dashed when we saw something stirring JUST on the edge of our viewpoint.

Our worst fears were realized when we saw what was coming. It was 7 or 8 people, other survivors, and they weren’t exactly projecting a “nice to see you” vibe in their approach. Our scout, realizing what was going on, dropped their findings and tried to run back to our building. They got cornered though, because this group had sent a couple people around the other way to flank them, so the only thing they could do is freeze. Nobody had any weapons out yet but it was obvious shit had gotten real FAST so we decided to funnel ourselves out one of the opened windows and meet the situation head-on.

Kinda felt like “The Warriors” but real and more shitty.

We were standing out on a balcony type area overlooking what was formerly the parking lot and I’m realizing now that it may have been a hotel instead of apartments, dreams are weird like that. We were exchanging words with these interlopers and trying to diffuse the situation so nobody got hurt. That’s all I remember of that part, there was negotiating and then we were all suddenly back inside. Dreams can be very abrupt in moving from scene to scene and this one was no exception. It had gotten dark and there were candles lit all over the place. The windows had been sealed up again and we were settling in for the night, which meant that most of us wouldn’t be getting much sleep due to the constant threat of violence, murder, robbery, or some combination of the three.

Then it took a much darker turn that I care for my dreams to take, because we had no food. We hadn’t had any food in some time either, that much was obvious, and it was time to start making some harsh decisions. Somebody had lost a baby in whatever this ordeal was and the group made a decision that we were going to have to either elect someone living to kill/eat OR…yeah, you know where that’s going. At this point I woke up from the nightmare feeling shaken, and pretty deeply disturbed, so I went downstairs for a granola bar and a glass of water. I don’t usually do that in the middle of the night anymore but I’m on some new medication to get rid of this fucking sickness I’ve had for a week and a half so it must have fucked with my head pretty good.

Then, in one of those rare instances of continuity, I went back to sleep and the dream picked up where it left off- sort of. The theme was the same, it was still a post-apocalyptic America but instead of being holed up in a building with a bunch of strangers I was in a house with my wife. It wasn’t my actual wife though, in this particular section of the dream my wife was Peg Bundy. Yeah, THAT Peg Bundy, from “Married With Children”. More accurately though, it must have been the actress Katey Sagal DRESSED like Peg Bundy cause she didn’t act like her character from the show, she was just like a normal person. Fucking weird, but again, new meds can fuck with your brain and this was already a fucking weird one so this part wasn’t TOO much of a shock to the system. I remember one time a while back my wife and I were joking around and I mentioned that when I was a teenager I thought Peg Bundy was hotter than Kelly Bundy so maybe that was in the back of my subconscious somewhere, who the fuck knows.

This apocalypse is getting weirder by the minute. Kinda like watching the news in 2020.

We had, like in the previous section of the dream, holed up somewhere and boarded up the windows/doors to make sure nobody could get in or see in, and this time it was a little ranch-style house on a normal American street somewhere. The kind of working-class neighborhood you picture when you listen to Bruce Springsteen, old cars in driveways, rocking chairs on little front porches, tires swings in backyards- you get the picture. It was silent like death and we were going about our day. I’m not sure if we had already been living in this house or if we had found it after the “incident” but I seemed to know where shit was pretty well so maybe it WAS our house.

I had gone to the garage because I was trying to clean it out or something, leave it to me to fucking CLEAN during the apocalypse, and I had made the decision to quickly open the big garage door and a side door so I could clean up the area and then close up shop again as fast as possible. As I was quietly going about my business, trying to be as swift and silent in equal measure as I could, I distinctly heard a car coming down the road. It was far off but even “far off” was too fucking close in this situation so I scrambled to get the doors closed again before anyone could drive by and see that we were obviously inside this house. I slammed the side door shut, and as I was trying to pull down the garage door a 1987 Ford Taurus pulled into the driveway and I was blinded by headlights in my face. The god damned garage door was being difficult and JUST before I managed to get it closed a man got out of the car and stood in the driveway. You’re not gonna fucking believe this, but it wasn’t just ANY man- it was the motherfucking Candyman. Well, I’m pretty sure it was Tony Todd (the guy who PLAYED Candyman) but I’m not 100% certain the dream intended for him to actually BE the Candyman but it seemed like that was the deal so we’ll go with that. I read an article about the movie a couple months ago so that must be why this dude materialized in the dream, so my brain is obviously shitty at discarding irrelevant shit.

The FUCK is going on with this dream?

I got the garage door closed and locked and I ran inside to Peg and whisper-screamed to her “the fucking CANDYMAN is here and he knows we’re inside, what the FUCK are we gonna do?”. She was visibly shaken and I told her to go hide in the back of the house and I’d figure out some way to get rid of him. I sat motionless on the floor for a good three minutes, listening to my heart rate climbing and trying to figure out what the fuck to do about this arrival. I decided to pry the boards off the front door and find out what he wanted and see if I could talk my way through this situation to some kind of resolution that didn’t involve anything gnarly. I stepped out onto the front door and said “Can I help you?” and he just stared at me. I think I probably knew what he was after being that he was standing in the driveway staring at me in the middle of a post-apocalyptic situation but I had to steel my nerves and power through.

I sort-of-calmly ask again, “Can I HELP YOU??” and he just smiled at me. My protective instincts were kicking in and I unintentionally took shit to the next level. “Motherfucker, what the FUCK do you want from me? What the FUCK are you doing here? How about you get back in your fucking car and LEAVE now before shit goes downhill for you, cause I’m NOT fucking around. We don’t have SHIT for you, in fact we barely have enough for ourselves, so MOVE ON or I’m gonna have to fuck you up”. I instantly regretted losing my cool and saying “we” cause now the asshole knew I wasn’t alone. Peg panicked too, and she came running out yelling “We’ll give you whatever you want just don’t hurt us!”, and the situation instantly turned critical mass. I motioned for her to calm down and things went silent for a second and he looked at us and said “I’m taking everything” I that calm and fucking terrifying way horror movie villains and real life ones speak too.

Trying to think fast on my feet I yelled “Just give us a fucking minute and we’ll figure something out, we’re going back inside and we’ll come out in 5 minutes!”. I had no plan, no ideas for a plan, and my heart was racing faster than a fucking Derby horse and I started getting that “fight or flight” tunnel vision that makes you feel like a gazelle running from a hungry lion even though you’re standing still. Peg chimes in and says “Maybe if I flirt with him it’ll distract him long enough so you can bash him with a bat or something”. Given that she was my supposed-wife I was not particularly thrilled about that idea but to be honest there wasn’t much else on the table besides running out there guns blazing and potentially getting myself killed if Candyman was packing heat so I obliged.

This ISN’T the craziest dream I’ve had in a while, so that should tell you a lot about why I sleep like shit.

It was getting dark outside and we decided to implement her plan. I go back out onto the front porch and it’s go time, “I have some beer inside, it’s not cold but it’s better than nothing. I’ll bring a couple out and you & Peg can talk while I gather up some supplies for you- deal?”. He nodded at me and Peg went outside to sit in his car and serve as bait essentially, while I rummaged through the house for a fitting murder weapon. I also found a small area of window that I could un-board for a few minutes so I could monitor the situation in the driveway. In true nightmare fashion, my dream-wife had escalated things and was rubbing all over the guy which took my tunnel vision to near-LSD levels and infused me with a ravenous anger that meant this shit WASN’T ending quietly. Even subconscious post-apocalyptic infidelity is enough to fuck with my head, and even when it’s not my real spouse but a fictional character with ANOTHER fictional character from a fucking horror movie. My brain, what an awesome place.

All I remember from there is that I came busting through the front door with an axe or some shit and running at the car. Then, as you do, I woke up disoriented and slightly out of breath, and tried to process the fucking bat-shit crazy dream that had just unfolded in my sleeping mind. After a minute or two my alarm went off and I set about doing my quick morning scan of the news & social media through blurry and confused eyes, which is probably bad for you but whatever-every fucking thing is bad for you.

Cue ton of bricks hitting skull.

The first fucking place I go is Twitter where I hazily scroll through to find a gazillion tweets about World War 3, bombs, Donald Trump, and Iran.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Then, I go to CNN, and apparently we (the US) assassinated an Iranian military leader overnight in an airstrike and Iran is vowing harsh and swift revenge. I felt a chill come across my entire body, and realized that I had just dreamt, albeit in a VERY surreal and horrifying manner, that I was living through the aftermath of some kind of apocalyptic event and it would be INCREDIBLY easy to deduce that it was some kind of World War 3 situation. I have THAT FUCKING DREAM and wake up to THAT FUCKING NEWS?! Seriously???

Still with me, Donnie? Too many big words? It’s ok, just get an intern to read this for you, then you can finish your Happy Meal too. Win win! You see, POTUS- you’ve curated an environment where the news is so shitty and horrifying every day that apocalyptic nightmares like mine are the new normal for a lot of us. We can’t turn on a screen, pick up a newspaper, or walk down the fucking street without a reminder that you’re turning our homeland into a mass fucking grave, and that shit infects our minds. Your poison hits the veins HARD and this nation of fear and division reacts in kind, fanning the flames of bigotry, hatred, and ignorance because you’re given license to do so. For the people like me, who aren’t repugnant pieces of human garbage, you’ve turned this nation into a hellish landscape where it is impossible to glance in any given direction without seeing a Fox News nightmare wreaking havoc on all things intelligent and just. You’ve made “the land of the free” a fucking circus, and even though I’m prone to lucid dreaming anyway, it is genuinely disturbing that I can have an apocalyptic dream and IMMEDIATELY wake up to apocalyptic news.

WE DON’T WANT YOUR WAR MOTHERFUCKER.

Do you NOT understand that “starting the New Year with a bang” DOESN’T mean actually blowing shit up? Do you NOT have the teeny-weeny shred of intelligence that tells you NOT to escalate an already-tense situation with Iran by killing one of their top military leaders? Do you NOT listen to the people that tell you MORE FUCKING WAR in the Middle East isn’t what this world needs? Do you fucking have a god damn clue about ANYTHING?

No, you fucking don’t, and I refuse to sit quietly and let it keep happening. I might not be able to do a fuck of a lot, but I can weaponize words and use my platform to unite, to educate, and to RESIST. You grew up with a silver spoon jammed up your ass, you’ve slept with likely hundreds of beautiful women having severe lapses of judgement, and you’ve been an extremely rich and famous man your entire adult life and you have the most fragile little ego I’ve ever seen. Your psychosis and ignorance were ALREADY astounding before you slimed your way into the panties of America and got yourself into the most esteemed of public offices and now? Your megalomania threatens to destroy us all, again. Not even the threat of impeachment and being removed from office is enough to dull your shitty edges, it only makes you WORSE in fact.

I’m not even entirely sure anymore which is worse, my fucked-up apocalyptic nightmare or the REAL FUCKING THING in which we live now. The fact that such an ignorant, misogynistic, and hateful man was allowed to assume the Presidency is a farce on a global scale that we somehow were powerless to stop, and it goes to show just how little control over our destinies we truly have. Democracy? Great on paper. Checks and balances? Great when they work to the benefit of the people BUT- YOU sir, are a disgrace to your office and to the American people. You are a stain on the face of the world and we should have been able to say “Nope, you’re not allowed to have this job because you’re not fucking qualified”. Fuck due process, you should have NEVER been allowed to take the oath motherfucker- you are barely capable of basic human emotions like love, empathy, and compassion which SHOULD be prerequisites for being the “leader of the free world’. Jesus Christ, I feel physically fucking ill just THINKING about how we could have let this happen. You make a mockery of everything humanity should stand for in 2020 and you should be removed from your post. You do NOT represent truth, justice, or the “American Way”- you stand for nothing but your own greed, your even word is flatulence, and you disgust me and billions of other people on a cellular level.

You won’t rest until everything BURNS.

I’ll readily admit it, I’m not fully versed on what exactly is going on between us and Iran and honestly- it doesn’t really matter to me. What DOES matter to me, is that our leaders are CONSTANTLY engaging us in dangerous situations in the Middle East which cost us LIVES, billions of dollars, and any notion of world peace perpetually dangling just out of view. I know, the tensions between those nations has been going on for a LONG time. Same for the tensions between us and them as well. It’s complicated, it’s violent, and it will probably never end in your lifetime or mine. We’re a war-crazy world and with leaders like you the shit ain’t getting any better. What I do know is this- there are vastly better ways to handle these constantly-present tensions between nations that more death, more violence, and more hate. Do I have any answers? No, I don’t- that’s what YOU assholes are supposed to do, find the answers to this shit. But you don’t, because war makes MONEY. It might cost lives but it trades in power and money which is all you really care about anyway, so it’s in your best interest to keep drop’ the bombs. It’s fucking gross and its fucking WRONG, but it’s the truth.

Does “truth” even mean anything anymore?

You’re the man who publicly bullies Greta Thunberg, and activist and human being of the HIGHEST ORDER and also a 16 year-old kid, all while your wife is shilling her “Be Best” anti-bullying campaign to us like we’re fucking idiots. How about YOU “Be Best”? You fucking can’t, cause you’re THE WORST. Greta Thunberg only pisses you off because she is young, female, and not sitting on your fucking lap. She has a strong voice, she is uniting people, and she is exposing fucks like you for the weak, lying, and destructive bastards you are and you can’t fucking STAND it.

Climate change is a myth? Go fuck yourself, I’m in Georgia in January and it’s fucking 65 degrees outside. Australia is burning, the ice caps are melting, and you’re flying in Air Force One to your private golf clubs where your big-ass SUV motorcade picked you up to go spend millions of our motherfucking tax dollars. You’ve spent ONE OF EVERY FIVE DAYS in office at one of your own private clubs, playing golf and shitting all over human decency and you have NO IDEA how the world works. You ignore the signals, you miss the calls, you don’t fucking give a SHIT about any of us. You care about yourself. Your sick, sad little self. That’s it, numero uno, Donald vs. The World.

Don’t even get me started on all the other heinous and horrible shit you’re feeding the world- racism, misogyny, discrimination, violence, xenophobia- the one fact that continues to mystify me is how you managed to galvanize blue-collar workers and red-state farmers to believe that you give a FLYING FUCK about them? What the fuck do YOU care about the working-class? You’re disgusted by middle-america, you laugh at the homeless, you prey on the fears of a nation left behind and the people your party has SOMEHOW managed to convince that you guys are gonna SAVE. Spoiler alert- you’re not saving shit. You don’t care about the working-class and you never will. You’ve made billions on the backs of the poor, migrant workers, and people just trying to make an honest living and you should be STOPPED.

Where do we go from here?

I really don’t know, Donald. I really don’t have a clue where we go from here. I know that I’m drawing a fucking line in the sand and I’m speaking up, because I have the god damned right to do so. I may not go out into the streets and throw bottles, I have a family to keep safe after all, but I can use my words. Maybe you’ll never hear them, maybe nobody in your sphere of influence will hear the either, but maybe- JUST maybe SOMEBODY will read my words and feel united. Maybe somebody will read this shit and say the same thing I did, that “enough is enough” and maybe one more person will stand u and say something too. Maybe that’s the best I can do and that’s fine.

Let me be clear, Donald J. Trump- The Ghost Generation despises you and everything you stand for. If anyone reading this is uncomfortable with that fact, the door is to your right. It’s time to stop fucking around. Yeah, I write funny shit, review video games, and all that jazz but I’m here to have a fucking VOICE too and now more than ever we NEED people to be using their voices. We need people to write letters, to carry signs, to fucking get in the faces of our leaders and say “YOU ARE KILLING US ALL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO STAND BY AND LET YOU DO IT”. Fuck it, life is short- do we REALLY want people like Donald Trump calling the fuckin’ shots for us?

No, we don’t.

Your time is almost up fucker, and with any luck somebody will take over who wants to help us all HEAL instead of trying to break us more than we are already broken. Me personally? I hope Bernie Sanders fucking steamrolls your ass and he’s got my vote. I think Elizabeth Warren is on the right track and I’d LOVE to see our first woman President kick your ass out of office too- but I don’t think she’s as capable of affecting the MASSIVE amount of change we need to get things back on the right track. Sure, some people think Bernie is “radical” and maybe that’s why I like him- we need some RADICAL in this fucking chicken-shit government, because look at what status quo has gotten us. A flawed two-party system that serves no one but the ones who sign the checks, and that’s NOT a world that serves everyone.

“The pleasure of the few on the backs of the many”, that’s the world YOU want to live in Donald Trump. You want low minimum wage, you want back-alley abortions, and you want transphobia. You want dead migrant children, you want lynchings, and you want to watch it unfold while cramming cheeseburgers down your despicable gullet while your caddy drives you around Mar-A-Lago. You’re the Marie Antionette of the 21st Century and you’ll be lucky to not meet the same end. You could course-correct now, but nobody would fucking believe you anyway because it would take such a massive personal pole-shift that I’m not even sure it’s fucking POSSIBLE- but you could try.

You won’t though, so that’s why I’m here. I know you don’t give a shit about what I think about you- believe me, the feeling is mutual. I just owe it to this world to make my opinions loud, so I can guarantee I’m a part of the solution and NOT a part of the problem. The Ghost Generation stands against you and your corruption, and anyone who believes your shit can go fuck themselves too. The line is drawn, my stance is known, and I wanted to let you know that you might win the battle but you will NEVER win your war. The fire inside of us will consume your hate, and everyone else’s, because the many have grown tired of working for the few who have NO interest in anyone other than themselves and their wallets. You’re gonna run out of receptive minds who buy your shit because soon horrors will be everywhere we look and YOUR face will be the one people look at with blame in their eyes.

The world has had enough of you Donald J. Trump and eventually you will fade from the public eye. You will not be remembered as a great man, but as an unfortunate footnote and a mistake. You will forever be known as a liar, a thief, and a bigot who somehow managed to sneak into a role he was never good enough for. In fact, it’s kind of a metaphor for your whole life, isn’t it? You never felt good enough for “dear old Dad” so instead of aspiring to be a better person you chose to be a bully. You are petulant, you are disgusting, and you will disappear. Good fucking riddance to bad fucking rubbish. Adios!

Thank you for taking the time to share this with me, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

AJH

A brand new blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration

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