AMERICA, THE STUPID/CANTO #45

AMERICA, THE STUPID/CANTO #45

It really doesn’t get much dumber than America, does it? I mean, dig deep. Think of all the stupid shit you’ve ever thought of, all the stupid shit you’ve ever seen on television, and all the stupid shit you’ve had to endure as an upright, air-breathing person in the world. Now, imagine something that is somehow vastly more stupid than all of that combined, attach a terrified population and an inept government to it, and you’ll be somewhere in the vicinity of realizing just how fucking stupid this country has become.

It’s a little fast and loose to say “become” considering that this country fucking STARTED at stupid.

If you’re here for patriotism go ahead and fuck right off, wrong venue. If you’re here though, like I’ve said a million times before- you know what time it is. America was founded on fucking stupidity and we’ve only gotten WORSE in the time that has passed since then.

It’s always blown my mind that we’ve kept Columbus Day going as long as we have, I mean- I don’t now about you, but when I make stupid mistakes there’s usually someone around to say “hey idiot!” or “you’re fired!”, and after a while the mistake fades from memory unless it’s a particularly gnarly or stupid one. Christopher Columbus, on the other hand, fucked up so spectacularly that I guess we figured the motherfucker should have a god damn HOLIDAY named after him. This guy thought he landed on fucking INDIA, which is why Native Americans were called “Indians” for so shamefully long, and as if that wasn’t stupid enough, this dumb son of a bitch somehow convinced the entire world that he DISCOVERED A PLACE THAT WAS ALREADY GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING POPULATED.

Imagine, if you will, it’s a nice sunny Spring day. You have the windows open, music playing, and you and your family are having one of those “once in a billion years” perfect days. Nobody’s had a tantrum, nobody’s shat on the floor, and nobody’s pissed all over anyone else’s happiness.

Stand by, I’m gonna hang out in that idea for a few minutes.

Suddenly, you hear the sound of your front door being kicked in, and some dude triumphantly strides into your living room to proclaim “I, Steve Waterson, have discovered this land! This building, this home, I have found it!”.

Fucking bananas, right? Yeah, it is, but that’s what fucking happened. Christopher Columbus landed on the wrong fucking continent and claimed to discover a place that was already populated by the Native Americans. Oops. How the fuck did we allow this to be history? How the fuck did we allow this to be accepted as a rational truth? It’s out and out BULLSHIT, but we bought it and ate it with a smile for a LONG fucking time. Columbus didn’t discover SHIT, and the fact that there’s still a national holiday for the motherfucker should tell you almost everything you need to know about how stupid America has been since day fucking one.

Mind you, I’m not including “pre-discovery” America in the stupid equation, cause everything was just fucking fine until that motherfucker showed up. The tribes lived peacefully on this bountiful stretch of Earth and sure, they had their own struggles, fights, etc. but at the end of the day- the Native Americans had a fully functioning, self-sustaining way of life here and between Columbus and the fucking Imperialist army that came after, we managed to fucking decimate that way of life in the blink of an eye.

At least hunting and gathering makes sense, this capitalist slavery of ours? Makes us miserable, causes wars, and chains us to our worst impulses and fears until the day we die.

We fucking stole a culture, raped it, killed it, beat what was left into submission. We took their way of life, we took their culture, and replaced it with what evolved into Carl’s Jr., NASCAR, and Mountain Dew Code Red, whatever the FUCK that shit is. Columbus “discovered” it, and then the Imperialists showed up to wipe up the blood and replace everything with Christianity. Awesome.

Fast forward a little bit further and take a gander at the fucking Constitution. If you go into the fine print, you’ll find wording that essentially states “we need to keep the power in the hands of the elite, so we can stay rich and keep the unwashed masses from taking over”. I don’t recall the exact place, but whatever- it’s fucking there. So, we fucking STARTED on the wrong foot in so many ways. All of the things that are fundamentally wrong with America were baked right in from the start, and we’ve not improved much since 1492, or 1776, or whenever pick a fucking year.

Do I even need to fucking START on slavery? It wasn’t enough for us to steal a fucking country, we had to steal PEOPLE from ANOTHER COUNTRY to be our fucking slaves? It makes me fucking sick to even think about it, it truly does. Motherfucking disgusting. There’s just no civility to RETURN to because it was never here in the first place.

America exists to serve the rich, powerful, and white. The rest of us can go fuck ourselves.

If you don’t believe that statement, or it makes you uncomfortable, you need to take a long, hard look inside yourself. If you don’t believe it, look around a little bit. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it’s because you know it’s true and you feel icky because it is, in fact, vile.

Every fucking thing in American life revolves around, producing, consuming, working, repeating, money, success, bigger, better, more, more, more, MORE, FUCKING MORE. Success, whatever the fuck that means, is based almost entirely on the size of your paycheck, and you better thank your lucky stars if you’re GETTING a paycheck too by the way. Everything we are is designed to perpetuate capitalism. Freedom? No fucking quite. You think you’re free? Go ahead and just decide to go to the park instead of work today, see how “free” you feel after that. Wanna go for a jog and clear your head? get some exercise? Better not be black, cause someone just might fucking shoot you for no reason. Wanna participate in voting for our leaders? Well, when it comes to the President the popular vote doesn’t really mean anything cause it all about the electoral votes. So again, fast and loose with the word “freedom”.

In America, we’re free to do things THEIR way. If we don’t want to do things their way, life is incredibly difficult for us. So, while I appreciate the fact that Americans aren’t beheading each other for stealing, or beating women for showing their ankles, or whatever fucking archaic and/or religious laws there still are out there in the world- I do NOT, for one fucking second, believe that “freedom” is anything other than a thinly-veiled illusion designed to pacify us. A big-ass, red, white, and blue consolation prize so we can all look they other way while they stick it in us sans lubrication.

Wow, Aaron. That’s a whole lot of stupid.

Yes, yes it is. Now here we are, in 2020. You’d think American life would be LIGHT YEARS ahead of all the things I just described to you, but here’s the deal- it’s not. Not even close. Do me a favor, turn on your TV real quick, or pick up your phone- whatever. I want you to just do a quick scan of the news, and don’t worry- I’ll wait.

I will forever hear Katt Williams in my head whenever I say that.

Alright, done? Yeah, see- I told ya. American progress is complete shit. Sure, some things have gotten A LOT better, but in many ways it’s just surface. Until an LGBTQ person can walk down the street without being afraid of violence, until a person of color can be treated equally wherever they go, and until we find a way to escape from the capitalist hands of our old white man overlords then we’re not fucking free by a million miles. Equal? Nevermind freedom, equality is even MORE of a joke than freedom.

Again, just have a look at the news, any day will do. We’re as equal in America as five and four billion.

Fuck it, it’s the truth!

God damn it, I mean- we’re all chained to a capitalist system that DOESN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT US. We’re just “human capital”, cranking out products and services so we can make enough money to keep cranking out products and services so we can keep cra…..yeah, you see my point. Some people though, we’ve decided that they aren’t worth as much. Some jobs too. So while Johnny Dickhead is rolling in his BMW selling boats or some shit, your plumber is probably moonlighting with Uber so he can feed his fucking family. Money, opportunity, comfort- all spoils of the richest victors. We’ve decided, collectively as a WORLD, that we don’t value all humanity equally. All jobs need to be done, to keep the world moving. But, we just don’t feel like everyone should be rewarded with the ability to lead a decent, comfortable life. We’ve made life a constant treadmill of chasing money, to buy shit to impress people, so that they can go buy shit to impress OTHER people, so they can feel as impressive as someone else. If you’re not on that treadmill you’re looked at like some kind of maniac, and if you work in one of the “less valuable” jobs then your life is a constant ballet of public transit, standing in line at government offices, and trying to explain to your children why there’s no fucking food in the fridge again.

Don’t fucking feed me this American “give us your tired, your poor, etc. etc. etc.” cause it’s ALL BULLSHIT. This country is Hate Inc., and the problem with 2020 is that ALL of the hate has build right up to the surface. All the stupid that we’ve let fester for the past few hundred years has been unleashed upon every facet of American life, and this fucking country is on fire.

If you heard the Alicia Keys song in your head when you read that last sentence I’m telepathically high-fiving you right now.

It SHOULD be on fire too. The systemic racism, sexism, and all-American hatred has been boiling under the surface for fucking WAY too long, and now it’s made it’s way out into the streets. We’re not fucking sitting down and taking it anymore, and it’s long overdue.

I hope some genuine change can come out of all this darkness. I hope we can see equality become a reality instead of a far-off dream, always out of reach, always little more than a fantasy. I hope this for us very deeply, but I am genuinely terrified that it’ll just never fucking happen. We’ll see, this is one of those instances where I’ll be thrilled to be proven wrong, so let’s make this shit happen.

Anywho, we’re also still living with a worsening pandemic that our “leaders” have managed to essentially sweep under the rug, so I’m not sure why nobody’s saying much about THAT right now but I’ll gladly take u the sword. THE PANDEMIC IS STILL GOING ON AND GETTING WORSE CAUSE WE REOPENED TOO SOON. Got it? Good, remember that. The President isn’t gonna tell you the truth, the fucking “experts” aren’t either, so let me be your harbinger of honesty here- there’s a lot of shit going down right now, and nobody “in charge” gives a FUCK about us.

We’re on our own, and I’m proud of all the fists in the air, all the marching bodies, and all the people who have had enough of being shit on by the red, white, and blue lies we’ve been fed since the stupid landed on this rock. There’s more work to be done than I can even begin to touch on here, there’s a shitload more issues we need to take to the streets about, there is SO MUCH I want to see fixed in our broken, bleeding world, but for now- Keep marching, keep speaking, keep writing, keep standing together, and keep giving ’em hell. Maybe we can come out of this fucked-up year with some ACTUAL progress.

I’m gonna make my exit now and let you get back to your day before I go off on anymore tangents and lose your undivided and thoroughly invested attention. I hope you’re all staying safe, and healthy, and using your fucking brains out there. To the people in the streets, we stand with you and are proud to call you our people. It’s Thursday, we’ve almost made it through another week, and if that in itself isn’t something to celebrate then I’m all out of fucking answers. Be kind to each other, Ghosties.

AFH

A blog/website where these happily married, 30-something parents of 2 little minions rant, rave, and speak in tongues. Raw, honest, and riddled with profanity. Get on board and let’s make The Ghost Generation awesome together! http://theghostgeneration.com Twitter.com/Gh0stGeneration

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